Words by Tishanna Williams and Jam Central:::Photos by Colin Williams and Reid Van Renesse—
It’s Carnival Monday in Trinidad—for those of you lucky enough to be playing mas in Port of Spain, that likely means the start of two days of non-stop wining. Trini Carnival basically is to wining what the Olympics are to sports: it’s where the best of the best come to prove themselves, in a show of ultimate endurance.
Now, winin’ up pon the opposite sex might seem like a lawless activity that requires little forethought, but any experienced bacchanalist knows that that’s not the case. So we tapped our Trini/soca correspondents Tishanna Williams and DJ Jam Central to lay down d rules of d road and write us a manual of wine commandments. Read carefully… and safe winin’.
Tish says:
We had to borrow Patrice Roberts’ song title for this one. Come on guys, the lady may be sexy but she isn’t a rag doll. We know the soca sweet but grabbing, pulling and attacking the bumper is a no no.
Jam says: At Carnival, the ratio of beautiful women to men is 10 to 1 – it’s murder! So fellas, please don’t try to bodyguard a bumper. Spread it around a little. At the same time have some discretion, don’t find yourself hopping on any (bouncing) bumper like you’re thirsty. Look before you leap.
Tish says: So… Just because she’s up to giving your friend a wine doesn’t mean you can get one or worse… Join in. What is up with that? This isn’t tag team. If you don’t know her, it’s not cool and most likely you’re ‘cock blocking’ your friend as well.
Tish says: Why in this day and age are we even going over this? You came for a wine and she said no. Ok. Don’t start to call her names and get upset. Maybe it’s you or maybe it’s her but what it’s not is an opportune moment to buss a flex. Just move on.
Jam says: Fellas, when you see that lady looking spectacular Carnival Tuesday in her costume, consider the amount of money and preparation that went into pulling of the look of a Ms. Universe. So do not expect a warm reception after you’ve just damaged her tail feathers. This is a guaranteed way to find yourself at the wrong end of a cussing.
Jam says: If it’s your first time playing mas, think of Carnival as a two day marathon on the road. Feting, unlimited drinks and hot sun can k.o. any heavyweight. Don’t overdo it, pace yourself, and definitely make use of the complimentary cool-down stations, water, fruit and food available. The last thing you need, is to tap out early and have your crew babysit you.
7. Know your limit
Tish says: Now we all know small axe fall big tree, but some trees just too big (even the “Roly Poly King” Mr. Killa had to abandon the task of lifting the biggest bumper in his Soca Monarch semi-finals performance). Sometimes that bumper may just be dangerous for you so if you have to wine up down and sideways just to cover it’s circumference…. Leave it alone. You look sad trying.
8. Don’t go down!
Tish says: Here’s some advice for the ladies now. Ladies—Apparently the older the man gets the more physical issues he has. What do we mean? The knees. Be it old football injuries or whatever, the wining low may be a bit more difficult. We know you are a champion bubbler but ease the guys up a bit. If it seems like he having problems wining low… Don’t go down.
9. If you can’t keep up, dress back
Tish says: Trini women could put down some EPIC wines. Carnival is gyrating waists everywhere and most of these are so versed that a mere mortal should just watch. But you don’t think you’re a mere mortal do you? You are Carnival Superman…right? WRONG! If she bubbling more than soup and you even have a doubt that you may not conquer this waist, dress back. If you thought you good but then realise it’s not working then ok… Lean back and just take the wine. No shame in that. Trust us that you will look a lot better doing that than looking like a frazzled fowl tryin to keep up.
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