10. Sailor Jerry (U.S. Virgin Islands)
Of all the newly-created brands dreamed up to cash in on the tiki rum-cocktail craze that’s happened over the last few years (10Cane, Tommy Bahama—I’m looking at you) this is the one I am least mad at. Also it’s ridiculously cheap; am I dreaming or did i see it somewhere recently for $3 a bottle?? The taste approximates but doesn’t quite match Appleton Special, but the difference is mainly that this is less smooth. The impurities a smoother rum like Appleton’s blends out don’t necessarily effect the flavor that much but will result in a far crazier hangover if you overindulge or under-hydrate. But then again, that seems only appropriate for a drink named after a famous tattoo artist. This shit is designed to put hair on your tongue, make you irresistible to seaport sugar-dawtas and ultimately, inspire you to get their name inked on your arm so that, Memento-style, you know what to call them when you sober up a week later. Zach Galifianakis, hold your head.