Punany Monologues Part 2: Natalie Storm Talks About Sex

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Call it Dutty Fridaze or just call it hump day. One Friday in the middle of the month is now dedicated to letting our garrison celebrity sex-blogger Natalie Storm talk about her vagina and all things PumPum-centric. So without further ado, may we present the second installment of the Punany Monologues, or as Nats titled it:

According to My Vagina: Monogamy Schmonogamy

According to my vagina, monogamy is for Grandma! Who’s with me? (Crickets chirping [or doing whatever the hell crickets do]). Don’t be afraid to agree. I’m sure a lot of us have thought, “my vagina has commitment issues.” Yes, we want committed relationships for a while but none of us really, truly believe that we can stay with the same dick forever! C’mon ladies, forever is a loooong time and when most men are winding down at 50, that’s when we ladies reach our true sexual prime. We may be able to stay with the same man or companion forever but we’ll never be able to remain truly satisfied with a Viagra fuck. And face it, there are some people Viagra can do nothing to help.

Okay, so I’m not 50 but my mind is getting a head start. I just believe monogamy is an ideal that was conjured up by our great, great grandmas to justify their boring sex lives. Who else could have established that term but an old, gray, shriveled, sexually-challenged vagina who barely saw the light of day? No offense, Grandma, I do love you dearly but I think your vagina up there in vagina heaven, is saying, Monogamy shmanogamy! (Oooh, maybe I should take that back before the vagina gods curse me with the ugliest, oldest vagina ever!).

I am in no way advocating promiscuity. I’m not saying you should go out and fuck Tom, Dick and Hairy, I’m just saying, fuck Dick. Just a replacement that doesn’t need Mr Blue Pill to get him going–and then you can go home and read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus while your man watches Spartacus and rubs your feet. And I’m sure sometimes when you get home he won’t be there because he’ll be boning little Miss Secretary himself. See, he doesn’t believe in monogamy! So ladies, it’s okay to get up to the time and throw that M word out the window (and no, I wasn’t referring to M for medication).

Put on that little (whatever color rocks your boat) dress and become sexually uninhibited. Dance the night away without Mr. Power Penis for once. Aren’t you tired of getting shot, poked and prodded by battery-operated devices that will never satisfy like the real thing? Just remember one itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny thing when you’re playing Little Miss Sunshine: WRAP IT UP.

Monogamy shmanogamy! Until next time…

Pumpum power rocks!

— Natalie Storm

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